09. Assimilation

Through a gap in the heavy velvet hanging from a ceiling high overhead, I can see blazing-hot, dazzling floorboards and a figure standing proudly upon them.

The view from the wings feels different today.

My first leading role.

With a hand damp from nerves, I clutch the pendant at my chest. A protective charm from my mother: a pendant bearing the signs for heart and hand.

As I breathe deeply again and again, the sounds around me gradually fade, and I begin to hear the voices inside.

—What if I can't do it well?

—Do I really remember all my lines?

—Is there something wrong with my costume? What about my makeup?

—...

—What if I do well, but no one recognizes it...?

I simply listen. Little by little, the inner voices also grow quiet.

This is the stage I always dreamed of standing on.

Rehearsal, food, daily habits—I have done everything I can possibly do as the person I am now.

Even so, my anxiety never left me until this very day.

People say that anxiety is proof you are taking something seriously, but then I worry that feeling this way will affect my performance, which only makes me more anxious.

But perhaps this is exactly as it should be.

I slowly loosen my clenched hand and take one more deep breath.

It will be all right. I can express myself without hesitation.

The view from the wings shines more brightly than ever.